Aussiehalley - Halley Down Under

always just outside the law

In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.If you have a problem - if no one else can help - and if you can find them - maybe you can hire: The Yarra Tram Team.

There are these roving small teams of tram officials that hop on and off trams, looking for "fare evaders" on board. Sometimes hard to spot, they try to blend into the crowd until they're right up on you, asking to see your ticket. They have their "urban cowboy" wear. They have the "city casual" look. My favorite is the Canadian mountee look, minus the red, the cords, and the "eh"s.

I would have had no problems with this today except that the machine I used ate my money, and I had no more change (the machines don't take bills). So I was like, screw this, I'm not going to pay twice, and I sit down. I change for my tram to campus (missing the first 2 because I'm daydreaming and only noticing that that I should've gotten on the trams as they were pulling away). A bunch of minutes outside the city center, this woman comes up to me (in "city casual") and chirps, "ticket, please!" I, of course, have no ticket. I make up some story, as I rummage through my bag, how this is funny that I can't find my ticket, because I even had to buy two tickets since the machine on the first one ate my money, etc. And I'm being the friendly bull-shitter that I am, and she's nice about it, and doesn't write me up, but warns me that if an inspector came on, he could "take my details" --- which means, I'm not sure exactly. ->[ Official report: 5 ft tall, sagittarius, vegetarian fare-evader on the #86 at 1:00pm. ]<-
(Taking my details sounds a lot nicer than the stories we were told to scare us at orientation, which included being arrested for fare evading on the trams. I think I'd have to make up something better than "fare evasion" for my cellmates in jail. Maybe "impersonating an elected official" or "running with scissors" - either of those sounds tougher than "tram fare evasion"....)

I'm given the option of getting off the tram to avoid getting caught. I chose to stay on, since I was almost to campus. Living dangerously. But I figured if these swat teams are out and about today, there will probably be some waiting at the La Trobe stop, since they like to target students. I'm thinking, okay, I'll get off at the stop before campus, and just walk the couple extra minutes in. No problem. Well, we all know of my casual relationship with time, and I've never been good estimating any measurement involving numbers (distance, age, time), and being in the ether of the southern hemisphere hasn't magically fixed that for me. As it turns out, I've gotten off about three stops too early - not one. Outside of the city center, the stops aren't that close together and I end up walking a mile-ish up the road to the entrance, passing a large Italian cemetary, and mini-golf course, and cricket grounds, with traffic whizzing by on the other side. It was a real "special" walk.

And as I turn to walk onto campus, I see the tram officials huddling in the kiosk, waiting to inspect the arriving trams, in their little-seen Zorro cape and gear - though it was too warm for the mask today, I guess.

I got to the shops and bought another pass.

In other news:
*Sarah arrived yesterday. (Yay!) We're taking her out tonight for the Traditional-Aussie-as-Interpreted-by-Americans-Welcome-Celebration --- read: we're going on a pub crawl.
*We've found a bunch of vegetarian substitutes (hotdogs, cutlets, etc), but still no bologna or anything that tastes burger-ish. We remain ever vigilant.
*You should all try Tasmanian Feta cheese. It's fantastic.

posted by Halley @ 12:56 AM