always just outside the law
In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.If you have a problem - if no one else can help - and if you can find them - maybe you can hire: The Yarra Tram Team.
There are these roving small teams of tram officials that hop on and off trams, looking for "fare evaders" on board. Sometimes hard to spot, they try to blend into the crowd until they're right up on you, asking to see your ticket. They have their "urban cowboy" wear. They have the "city casual" look. My favorite is the Canadian mountee look, minus the red, the cords, and the "eh"s.
I would have had no problems with this today except that the machine I used ate my money, and I had no more change (the machines don't take bills). So I was like, screw this, I'm not going to pay twice, and I sit down. I change for my tram to campus (missing the first 2 because I'm daydreaming and only noticing that that I should've gotten on the trams as they were pulling away). A bunch of minutes outside the city center, this woman comes up to me (in "city casual") and chirps, "ticket, please!" I, of course, have no ticket. I make up some story, as I rummage through my bag, how this is funny that I can't find my ticket, because I even had to buy two tickets since the machine on the first one ate my money, etc. And I'm being the friendly bull-shitter that I am, and she's nice about it, and doesn't write me up, but warns me that if an inspector came on, he could "take my details" --- which means, I'm not sure exactly. ->[ Official report: 5 ft tall, sagittarius, vegetarian fare-evader on the #86 at 1:00pm. ]<-
(Taking my details sounds a lot nicer than the stories we were told to scare us at orientation, which included being arrested for fare evading on the trams. I think I'd have to make up something better than "fare evasion" for my cellmates in jail. Maybe "impersonating an elected official" or "running with scissors" - either of those sounds tougher than "tram fare evasion"....)
I'm given the option of getting off the tram to avoid getting caught. I chose to stay on, since I was almost to campus. Living dangerously. But I figured if these swat teams are out and about today, there will probably be some waiting at the La Trobe stop, since they like to target students. I'm thinking, okay, I'll get off at the stop before campus, and just walk the couple extra minutes in. No problem. Well, we all know of my casual relationship with time, and I've never been good estimating any measurement involving numbers (distance, age, time), and being in the ether of the southern hemisphere hasn't magically fixed that for me. As it turns out, I've gotten off about three stops too early - not one. Outside of the city center, the stops aren't that close together and I end up walking a mile-ish up the road to the entrance, passing a large Italian cemetary, and mini-golf course, and cricket grounds, with traffic whizzing by on the other side. It was a real "special" walk.
And as I turn to walk onto campus, I see the tram officials huddling in the kiosk, waiting to inspect the arriving trams, in their little-seen Zorro cape and gear - though it was too warm for the mask today, I guess.
I got to the shops and bought another pass.
In other news:
*Sarah arrived yesterday. (Yay!) We're taking her out tonight for the Traditional-Aussie-as-Interpreted-by-Americans-Welcome-Celebration --- read: we're going on a pub crawl.
*We've found a bunch of vegetarian substitutes (hotdogs, cutlets, etc), but still no bologna or anything that tastes burger-ish. We remain ever vigilant.
*You should all try Tasmanian Feta cheese. It's fantastic.
in tribute to Liberace...
I found a dresser for five bucks. I'm cleaning it and spray painting it gold.
Don't try to stop me.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful
I admit it - we love Big Brother (the tv show). Not that we schedule our lives around it. But if the tv is on, and we're home, we're watching it. (I figure if I disclose the embarrassing bits now, they can't be used as blackmail later.) It's on everyday, at least once. And every so often, they have a late night version where they show all the times the housemates are running around nekkid. Our innocent, virginal, American eyes had their jaws on the floor to see this on tv. Meanwhile, they bleep out the word "ass" during the day. But at night? Born freeeeee, free as the wind blowwwwwws.......
Also, we heard a newscaster use the phrase "rat-bag" -- as in, "Watch out, all you ratbag drivers..." or something to that effect. They want to start an H plate for "hoon" drivers. (They have L for learners and P for provisional if they've screwed up. So, basically if you drive like a jackass, speeding hundreds of kms faster than the people around you, drag race, and make a general annoyance of yourself, in addition to the ticket, you get branded with the scarlet letter - H. (It's not law yet...)
We started yesterday in a lovely movie theatre, for an early screening of "Darwin's Nightmare," a film at the Melbourne International Film Festival going on right now. (They dragged me out of bed at the ungdly hour of 10 am.) The theatre was enormous on the inside, with 3 large tiers of seats. It looked like the inside walls and ceiling were origami, kind of like a vietnamese temple turned inside out in structure. It was all angles and shapes and levels.
The film was a documentary about Lake Victoria in Tanzania, and a foreign fish that has taken over the lake, killing everything else, and now all the coastal towns are dependent on this fish for survival, which makes huge bucks for the EU that exports it, while the people in the area are poor and starving and want a war so that there would be jobs. The local officials see the fish as good and don't want to say anything that will stop the EU from buying. The Russian transport planes bring in weapons for the wars in Angola and Rwanda, before bringing out fish from Tanzania or grapes from the vineyards of South Africa. Line: "For Christmas, the children of Angola get guns, and the children of Europe get grapes." It uses some of the common visual tropes of poor, starving brown people who are all unhappy, and makes it look like all life is misery. While the negative parts are certianly true, and the film was well-done, Christine points out that the Tanzanians are some of the happiest people she's ever met, and and being poor is just a fact of life. They are still happy. It might be different in the lake region, but it's just one area that kinda got shut out of the film. There was a great shot of a bright red "Life is Great. Drink Coke." sign on a shut down store. But other than that, there were very few American indictments. So that's new.
Then last night we went to see Margaret Cho and laughed to exhaustion. "This is not the salad of my people." Go see her. Go. Now. Really. There were a couple of "Australian" jokes she put in that we were all like, uh, I don't get it... But with drinks allowed in the theatres (go aussies) and surrounded by all of melbourne's gay men, what could be bad, right? One of the surreal moments of the evening came after the show, when Eric, Christine, and I had found a cheapie Chinese food restaurant with a great balcony and view (all the downtown streets were still full of people)--- and Eric starts singing along to the Chinese songs. Eric doesn't speak Chinese. Nor did he know the songs. But he sang along very well, giving it the ol' Eagle Scout try. And somehow we ended up with a series of photos with him as the Evil Genius, and me as his cuddle bitch. Don't ask; we're not sure either.
The class I'm auditing starts Tuesday afternoon - something theatre and community. not sure, but it sounded good when I was offered the audit.
Rough life. Oh, and on that topic, we'll be taking off for the northeast coast for about a month, starting probably at the end of november, so for all y'all thinking about hopping down here... We'll be starting in Brisbane, driving up the coast, stopping in the Whitsunday Islands (
http://www.whitsundaytourism.com/ ) for our jaunt around the islands on the sailboat/yacht for a few days, then making our way up to Cairns for some more scuba diving the Great Barrier Reef and some adventure travel with the animals and rainforests there, then hopping over to Fiji, which is just to the north, then spending days and days, just laying on beaches. Eventually, we might find a flight back from Fiji to Melbourne. You may start hating us now.
A new way to play "Marco? POLO!"
There are kangaroos on my campus. I saw them. On a walk through the wildlife reserve, we ran into a group (pod?) of about 9 kangaroos. veddy, veddy cute. and on the walk to my office today, I saw a beautiful large black swan with a red face and beak. enjoying the wildlife.
last saturday, Christine, Eric, Ali, and I went to the circus - Circus Oz. funky sort of alterna-circus, but still very much fun. I think their official motto was something like, "circus for social justice and a good time for all" or something to that effect. lots of acts you might recognize and using expected norms and kinda funking with em a bit. No animals, which was good (anyone wondering why that's good:
http://www.circuses.com/ ). And then spent the rest of the day popping into an art museum, drinking a bit and ending up at a jazz club, briefly. Okay, maybe there was more than a bit of drinking. Perhaps some of us were less than sober. Perhaps "some of us" was me laughing really loudly quite often throughout the evening. (Though I certainly had myself some company...)
And good, bad, or otherwise I guess my laugh is a little loud and identifying. It's how Eric found us in another hall of the museum. Tracking devices of the giggly and American....
drinkin' the kool-aid
last night was lovely. we ended up at a tapas bar in Fitzroy with great atmosphere (couches, interesting music, winding little path through to the back patio to find the bathrooms) and fantastic food. we then saw some police lights, and of course walked toward them to see what was going on, because there also seemed to be some drumming there, too. The street/goth kids decided to have a random street party. so the cops had that section of the street blocked off. they all seemed to be hanging out together, and all was cool just so long as the people let the trams through. I heard one guy say the police were harassing them, but it all look pretty chilled out by the time we were there. damn the man. or something like that.
much walking. quite chilly. missing my wide selection of vegetarian fake-meats I have in the US. I don't think the veggie bologna would make it through the mail... But at least we've seen gobs and gobs of vegetarian restaurants around. and vegan shoes. nice.
this morning we picked out our sailboat we'll be taking around the Whitsunday Islands to loaf on beaches and scuba dive the Great Barrier Reef off of. No, I'm not kidding.
oh, and mark the day - I said "have a go" at dinner last night. watch out, I'll be eating the vegemite soon... (uch.)
I still have all my footwear
so christine and I just finished a morning and afternoon of int'l orientation sessions. most - fine. however, we got guilted into attending a lecture on university-level writing at La Trobe. (basically: Those cocky Americans always think they know everything about university stuff. We had some good Canadians come to the writing session last year and they said they learned a lot. Americans=bad. Canadians=good.) So we were like, fine, we'll go. We're intrigued to find out all of these amazing differences between Australian sentence structure and American.
ohhh gawwwd. so awful. they had us picking out the subjects of the sentences. we had to identify plagiarism. we were told, writing an outline is good. And the woman giving the lecture was actually giving it for someone else (it was on power point) - and was actually defining terms incorrectly. (no, not cultural differences, just wrong.) Since last semester I was teaching students how to do this, I was decently familiar with how this lecture might go. So you can see how frustrating this might have been when the woman said that "voice" is the theorist you are citing. I had my shoe off and I was ready to throw it. Christine stopped me.
We were sitting in the back row of the lecture theatre. Like Statler and Waldorf (the old guys in the balcony from the Muppets) we had quite a good time in our frustration. Christine's solution was to shout out the answers so we didn't have to sit there for longer than necessary. My solution included under-the-breath snide comments, projectile footwear, and gum.
There might have been some covered up giggling as well, but that wasn't entirely our fault. When the slide came up of possible problems students might come up with and feel, one option was, "I'm a little bit slow." I'm slow?! I'm sorry, that's just funny. Yes, giggling may have been innapropriate, but there were better ways of phrasing what she meant. Oh yeah, and maybe giving the right answers/definitions/instructions/explanations might have been good, too.
Off to buy tickets for Circus OZ. No animals were harmed in the making of this post.
roped in...
I think I just ended up on a soccer team. and a wakeboarding/waterskiing team. and in the surfing club. it's okay, though, Christine is signed up, too.
we went to the first day of our International Students Welcome Festival. crap ton of people here. lots of Scandinavians and Europeans. a bunch of Asians, as well, but fewer than we expected. Damn Norwegians, Swedes, and Danes are everywhere. ;)
So anyway, the nice girls at the soccer team ask us to join, I say, "I'm not so sure you really want us on the team..." We go back and forth a bit, they invite us down to "have a kick" and somehow, we end up signed up. As Christine says, how do you say no to "come on down and have a kick"?
And in 2 weekends we're working on playing with the penguins and learning some surfing. We get booties for the cold water. They offered us cute footwear and we were sold.
mkay. back to the city. oh, and I've started dropping more consonants. generally 'R's, in a weird mix of a Bostonian/Melbournian dialect (which I've never really done before). Couple that with my Chicago 'A's and it's pretty special. Just one hot dialect mutt.
scamming free internet from new and exciting locations
they like to eat outside here. a lot. it's winter. so many restaurants and cafes with outdoor seating open. and they're all eating outside. okay, not everyone, but enough that you walk by like, are you crazy? no, not crazy. just australian.
It's been quite the culinary adventure. on the whole, we've been eating very well. I have personally conducted a fairly comprehensive study of the french toast of melbourne in the past week or so. (I've been on a french toast kick. don't ask.) The best was at a(n outdoor) cafe downtown the morning of my meeting with my advisor. the key was a combo of pretoasting the bread, I believe, and a homemade syrup with a bit of butterscotch. so good. but I doubt you care about that particular study of mine. so lets move on.
so, I've been enjoying the food because we've mostly been eating out. almost all the time, since we just moved into the apt. last night we had "Adventures in Safeway," the liveaction movie, starring Halley, Christine, and Eric. It was a bit of a mix between Supermarket Sweep and a reality show where our heroes only have 17 bucks and change to buy food to make dinner for three. We made it with 45 cents to spare. (No, we didn't remember to keep some cash on us for groceries.) Unfortunately, we ended up overcooking the thai noodles and made ourselves some nice gruel with roasted veggies and tofu. The peppers added a nice bit of flair. That's key: you always want to have some flair with your gruel.
The funniest part of the story is that 24-hours before, we accidentally had a 100 dollar lunch. (A bit of a mix-up with the bruschetta...) And then flash forward: peppers and gruel. There were apples a la Nutella for dessert, though, so Dead-Weight, Scurvey, and Speedy all lived happily ever after.
Next episode: Our heroes go grocery shopping tonight.
oh, I have an actual address now. (phone line soon to follow.) If you'd like it, drop me an email.
The apt is furnished with all the basics now. Christine and I were a bit sketched out getting the beds, though. We get this number for a mattress wholesaler and call over for the address, because why would it be in the ad, right? So we find the place where it should be. We are at a quiet intersection with homes on two of the corners, and two seemingly abandoned buildings on the other two corners. One has a "for lease" sign up, and the other says something about furniture. But the metal garage doors are pulled down. Hmmm. I had just spoken to the guy on the phone so he was there somewhere. We get closer and find this sketchy little staircase with a plant at the top (for ambiance, maybe). We figure, this is the only open door anywhere around here. So we go. Up. -- Nope. Just some guy in his apt. Meanwhile, we're just kinda standing there, like, uhhh, we're confused. I'm behind Christine on the stairs and can't really see in, and just hear her say, "this is the wrong place, isn't it?" the guy was all pissy and says, yeah. Now, if you live above a store without doors, you'd think maybe I shouldn't keep my door wide open, or maybe I shouldn't be shocked when people wander in, right? So, I call again. The guy is like, "Bang on the metal doors when you get here." uhhhh, okay. that's not weird. long story, shorter - we were bad ass and bargained the guy way down. paid cash. (got a receipt, of course. it wasn't that sketchy.) and got the beds a few hours later.
random street encounters:
excuse me? (yes?) would you marry me?
Tatt's Pokies. charming establishments. sounds dirty. short for Tattersall's Poker Machines. (slot machines.) not quite as dirty.
making friends on the trams because christine and I are carrying enough pillows and blankets and assorted other home goods for 15 people. Christine ended up wearing the Santa sack of pillows over her shoulder, I held 7 large wire dresser bins, and we both held a crap ton more. It's amazing how nice people will be after you bump like a pinball down the aisle to your seats. I'm not sure if it was pity or amusement.
Everyone is terribly trendy and put together, but in a really casual way. I'm glad I brought a bunch of my funky bright knit scarves. Since it's winter, we've seen a great display of layers on parade as we've sat at all our little cafes, sipping coffees, lattes, and juice blends. The best was at the Sunday arts and crafts market at St Kilda beach yesterday. (no, we didn't go in the water. I almost got soaked, but that was different.)
In fleece, but enjoying the palm trees and bright winter sun.
ya take the good with the ugly
the good: turns out, I have an office. yes. my own office in the theatre and drama dept. I have keys to said office, along with other building keys. very official, and all that.
the ugly: I took my school ID photo today, and with the
just super low-resolution digital photo, I look cross-eyed. awesome.
I met with my advisor and she's great. she took me all over today and everyone in the office is nice and it seems like she knows lots and lots. It also turns out that one of the contemporary theorist who I just loooove and use all the time, just wrote one of the praise notes for her new book coming out. They're on a first name basis and talk. How freakin cool, right? Oh, and on a side note, I can do a creative component to my thesis, as well - if I want.
The city is great- the more I see of it, the more I like. There are cables that the trams run on, so at times the sky looks like a crossword puzzle. I do want to amend yesterday's statement though - it's not so totally Victorian looking --- it's got that with a wild west twist. Think laticework with a tin roof on the porch and an old saloon feel. kinda. hard to explain. you'll just have to come visit and check it out for yourself.
ahhhhh! I'm here... and I almost even have an address
I am happy to report the results of my highly scientifica study - the water in the toilets do, in fact, flush the opposite way down here in Australia. (Counter-clockwise in the US, clockwise down under. Thanks to Charlie for checking that out for me.)
Everything here is "no worries," which is great, except when there actually is some urgency needed in a situation, but so far, so good. I get out of customs at the airport, Christine was there to pick me up, we make obnoxious squeelie noises, and the surrounding crowd luckily smiles at us, rather than throwing things to stop to squeelie noises. I found a nice woman who promised "it'll all be laughs" and no worries, that we could hop a ride with a car service that was going into the city anyway, so we were able to get my two suitcases (one was 65 lbs, one was 69 lbs - the United Airlines max is 70 lbs each) into a big trunk, and not have to carry them at all, for cheap. After I paid and tipped him, the guy loved us. Apparently, tipping is not necessary all the time, since they get regular wages and don't rely on tips (in a restaurant you can tip if the service is outstanding). So anyway, I became his new favorite person.
We're living the hotel life until Friday, when we move into our new apt. Downtown and near all sortsa fun stuff (the new apartment, as well as the hotel). I must say, the first shower after flying for a day was just lovely. There's a lot to be said for being clean and under the covers in fresh pajamas.
I am in love with fake winter. They say they've been having a cold spell, even for their usual winter temps. I'm in a light jacket, with a long-sleeved tshirt, and I'm perfectly comfortable. And though the Aussie's are famous for their drinking, I don't think that has anything to do with my warmth right now. :) (Side note: Strongbow Cider Sweet is delicious.)
The city is great, the little I've seen so far. The trams and subway and buses are all really easy. The buildings are mostly from the early 1800s through the early-to-mid-1900s, so the architecture is neat, with oddly modern frontpieces. It looks almost like a colony of Victorian and art-deco buildings and homes. Funny how that works out with the British colonial period... :) But it's still neat that they've preserved a lot of the old architecture, even if some are painted bright yellow to advertise motorbike sales...
I've seen some amazing green and pink and brownish birds - I identified a crow. Other than that, the rest are new. I suppose I could find out the names but for now, we'll just call them the pretty green and pink and brownish birds. Now we're off on official business to find the wildlife sanctuary on campus. No really. There is one. I didn't make that up.
The only thing throwing me off a bit here is that everything feels a bit anachronistic to me. Leaves are on the ground. Trees are bare. People are in coats and talking about the winter. And a few days ago I was sweating from the heat and enjoying the A/C. But again, it's just fake winter.
